


Wifi

by YouCantKeepMeDown



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam is So Done, Crack, In-Universe Supernatural Fanfiction, Lucifer's Cage, Multi, in my cage we all get along, mostly - Freeform, no torture!, sam has wifi wherever he goes, sibling-y bickering, that turned kinda serious, working through past mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 11:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouCantKeepMeDown/pseuds/YouCantKeepMeDown
Summary: The cage has wifi since Sam spent time there. Adam thinks the internet is a nice distraction until the Archangels discover it, too.





	Wifi

**Author's Note:**

> This fic serves two purposes. First of all, it's a present for [HumongousCandyCoffee](https://humongouscandycoffee.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Second, I take the liberty to also use it to fill a bingo square for the SPN Genre Bingo. The Square is Hell.
> 
> The song mentioned in this story really exists and you can listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu6DOkZK6oo).

It’s a fact that everywhere Sam Winchester goes, there’s wifi. And apparently, if he stays somewhere long enough (like about 80 hell years) the wifi lingers after he’s gone. At least that’s Adam’s theory about why they have an internet connection in the cage.

While Sam had still been there, Michael had snapped a laptop in existence for Adam and he had used it aimlessly to distract himself. They’d all been tense. Without a body, Sam’s soul had been defenseless against the cage, no matter how much Lucifer had curled around it to protect it, alternating between murmuring soothing nonsense and cursing Castiel for only taking the body with him. When Death had shown up, Lucifer had practically shoved Sam’s soul into his hands, begging him to take it somewhere better.

After that, things had gradually gotten better. The internet is a nice distraction, and after a few hundred years, Michael and Lucifer actually manage to exchange whole sentences without any of them containing an accusation. Ever so carefully, Adam manages to stir them towards happy and safe topics. Like the creation of the universe before humans came along. How Lucifer had ignited the sun and the stars. How Michael had drowned some of the Leviathans in lava. How Gabriel had come up with the platypus. And how Raphael had liked playing catch with the lightning in the sky.

And when the archangels fight (again), Adam curls up in a corner with his laptop.

Then one day he finds Lucifer in front of it. The archangel looks up with a smirk on his lips that can’t mean anything good. “They wrote a song about you.”

Adam blinks. “Me?”

Lucifer nods.

“Who’d write a song about me?”

Lucifer’s grin gets wider. “The Supernatural fandom.”

“The what?”

In his own corner, Michael sighs. “The prophet Chuck wrote books about your brothers. Apparently some people liked them. A lot.”

And there Adam thought being locked into a cage in hell with two archangels as company is the heights of how surreal his life could get. “And those books mention me?”

“Yup.” Lucifer fiddles with the laptop as if he’s dying to finally reveal what exactly he found. “And the fans wrote a song about you. Wanna hear it?”

Adam looks at the literal devil through narrowed eyes. “What’s the catch?”

“Why would there be a catch?” Lucifer’s try for an innocent face gets completely ruined by the fact that he’s still grinning.

It probably doesn’t matter what Adam says now, in the end he’ll listen to the damn song. Would be the first time Lucifer doesn’t get what he wants. Well, technically the second, since he kinda wanted to destroy mankind. “Fine. Play it.”

And of course it’s about how Sam and Dean forgot him in the cage. Adam throws Lucifer a bitchface that the devil answers with a shiteating grin. When the refrain comes along for the second time, Lucifer starts singing along: “We are never ever ever saving Adam ever! He’s been dead for four years and we haven’t tried at all …”

“I’m not dead!” Adam finally shouts over the song. “I _was_ dead! I was in fucking heaven! But someone just had to start the fucking Apocalypse and needed a fucking ride!”

Only when the silence that follows his outburst rings in his ears, does he realize that Lucifer has closed the laptop. Both archangels are staring at him, and there had been a time where that would’ve frightened him.

“We’re not playing that song again,” Michael finally says.

“It’s really catchy, though,” Lucifer protests, but it sounds a bit half hearted.

Michael walks over to his brother and takes the laptop out of his hands. “Give me that.”

“If you want to act all big brotherly, Michael, you should’ve started at Stull Cemetery.”

Oh great. And there they go again with the accusations. It’s an old argument by now, though, more like something they’re too used to to let go. There’s no real anger behind the words any more.

Michael just sighs. “You know the reasons, Lucifer.”

“Shit reasons.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

That’s a new one. Adam blinks in surprise at the same time as Lucifer does so, too. Then Lucifer leans forward, grin tugging at the corners of his mouth again. “What was that?”

Michael just growls at him, though.

For a while they all return to their respective corners, Michael doing something on the laptop now. There’s a lot of furrowing his brows and low muttering, but he doesn’t actually say anything.

After a few hours or maybe centuries – Adam had never learned how to tell time down here – a question occurs to him. He looks at Lucifer through narrowed eyes. “Why did you google me?”

Lucifer goes for a nonchalant shrug, but he avoids Adam’s eyes. That’s definitely very new.

A bit later Adam catches Lucifer humming the melody of the song. The humming stops as soon as Adam glares at him. “It _is_ very catchy,” Lucifer defends himself.

“You know me never getting out means you never getting out either?” After all, who are Sam and Dean more likely to get out of here? Their brother or the literal devil? On the other hand, you never know with Sam and Dean ...

Lucifer shrugs. “I don’t expect to.”

“You don’t?” Adam asks surprised.

“Nah. I had my chance. Blew it so Sammy could have his piece of mind.” When Adam starts to say something Lucifer lifts a finger. “Don’t say a fucking word about that!”

“I was going to say that that’s actually surprisingly nice of you.”

He probably should’ve know not to say something like that, because it results in an archangel glaring angrily at Adam. “As I said, don’t say a fucking word.”

“Adam …” Michael interrupts them. He sounds a bit distracted. “Would you mind explaining the concept of shipping to me?”

* * *

Maybe the laptop had been a bad idea. Apparently, Michael had googled Adam, too. (Why do archangels keep googling him? Why is this even remotely a problem he has to deal with?) And he had found a thing called Midam. Adam guesses it makes sense with the whole vessel thing and all, and of course it leads to Lucifer making a lot of jokes about Michael jumping Adam’s bones. Lucifer also likes reading them fanfic summaries.

“This is a good one!” Lucifer is grinning again. “Listen: Alpha Michael was very disappointed that Adam popped a knot when he presented.”

Adam is pretty sure he doesn’t even want to know. “Popped a what?” he asks anyway.

Lucifer makes a vague hand gesture. “It’s probably a kinky thing.”

Okay, fine. That’s enough. If Lucifer want to play this game, he’s get what he deserves. Adam walks over, snatches the laptop, and is vaguely surprised that he’s still in possession of all of his limbs a moment later. Just to be safe he retreats to his own corner.

It doesn’t take long to find a ship called Michifer. It’s surprisingly easy to find art and fanfiction for it.

Showing it around leads to two archangels falling very silent for a century or two. Like, eerily silent. No accusations anymore, just the two of them eyeing each other. Sometimes they talk in Enochian, which Adam is getting better at, but when they speak low and fast he has no chance. If Adam had known that showing them a ship would have this result, though, he would’ve looked for it sooner.

Now and then Lucifer claims the laptop for himself. Apparently he has a blog now where he reblogs nature photography. It seems to make him happy.

Usually, he doesn’t stare at the screen unmoving for hours (or centuries), though. Usually he doesn’t pull on his lower lip in thought. Usually, he doesn’t get up to carry the laptop over to Michael’s corner. Usually, the archangels definitely don’t put their heads together to whisper for quite a while. Not just talk lowly, but whisper like they actively don’t want Adam to hear.

Not that it isn’t nice that they finally get along, but everybody would be nervous with two archangels staring at them and whispering. Especially since whispering in Enochian always sounds like hissed warnings of impending doom.

“What is it?” Adam snaps finally. What are they going to do to him? Kill him? He’s in hell already.

Lucifer nudges his brother. “You tell him. He’s your vessel.”

“You brought this up,” Michael protest.

Lucifer lifts an eyebrow. “You really want me to talk to him about this?”

Michael pulls a face at that. Then he turns to Adam. “Well, we just found another ship, and we wanted to ask you something.”

Seriously, how is being locked into a cage in hell with two archangels as company not the heights of how surreal his life could get? “No kinky sex,” Adam jokes. He’s definitely heard too many fanfiction summaries by now. “And in case you want to tell me your trueforms have tentacles, I’m not into that either.”

More whispering. Then Lucifer saying: “No, I don’t think it counts as a kink.”

Michael shrugs as if he wants to say ‘You’re the expert’. Which is probably fair, seeing as his brother invented sin, if certain old books are correct.

“We wanted to ask you,” Michael says finally, “what your thoughts on polyamory are.”

If Adam is totally honest there could’ve probably been worse questions. And in the end he is very happy that he answered honestly.


End file.
